If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
