I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
