they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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