i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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