he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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