She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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