I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
