was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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