Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
