plz talk dirty to me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
