babies were throwing up all over the place
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
