you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
