nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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