somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
