This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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