I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
