the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
