Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
