Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
