i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
