who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize