I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
