I love black thongs
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
