yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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