you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
