Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
