He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
