he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
