my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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