just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize