you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
