ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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