I just made out with a guy for $7.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
