Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
