all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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