He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
