dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
