What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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