she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
