Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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