Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she peed on how many people?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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