I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
