we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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