I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
