Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
