Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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