I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
