I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
