I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
