Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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