If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
