I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
