i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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