I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
