Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
