legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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