arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
