I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
