your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
