Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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