According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
