and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
