im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
