He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize