After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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