I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize