I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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