he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
