So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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