just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just pee around me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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