Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
