I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He passed out mid-signature
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
