you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
