It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
